Fear and Suspicion
I am sitting in the office of Psychiatrist Number X. I am attempting to explain about those hand shaped spiders with creepy finger legs. Hands which run up and down my thighs. Hands which are not really there. I know they are not there.
I know they are memory hands.
Psych Number X does not need to tell me this.
I am very tired. They have been keeping me awake at night.
Psych Number X won’t meet my eye. Is he listening?
I begin to feel suspicious.
Psych Number X is riveted to my case-notes. Page upon page. Upon page. An infinity of pages. My notes sit neatly at the exact centre of Psych Number X’s very very large desk. He sits on one side. I sit on the other. Very very far away from him.
I consider him. Psych Number X has been rather nice to me. I really do appreciate the complimentary tea, coffee, biscuits and those diabetes friendly little jelly beans in their glossy jar. But. I do not like to talk to him because he is a man (not his fault). And because I do not like to take his pills. His pills make me sick. I do not like to be sick. I also do not talk to Psych Number X because he does not look at me. He writes. And. I do not know what he writes. Psych Number X’s pen is in constant motion.
Suspicion grows.
Suspicion has now taken shape and has the approximate size and appearance of a Military Macaw.
He flutters his wings and gives an experimental screech.
I sit and Suspicion sits hunched on my shoulder.
Most psychiatrists do not like Fear and Suspicion. (Fear is the Scarlet Macaw). Fear is sometimes approachable. But often not. Fear came one day and never goes. Psychiatrists generally do not like it when I bring Suspicion and Fear into their offices. Suspicion and Fear can create very messy consultations.
Suspicion flaps and screeches wildly from right shoulder. I wonder if Psych Number X is angry that I brought Suspicion and Fear into his office. Slowly I push Wolf under the desk.
For more information about Wolf click here
Originally written 2006; edited Dec, 2019