He is doing fine

We had to choose

you see

There was only one ventilator

but both of you

Moments

Few

That is all we had

to decide

Time

There wasn’t time for more

Every crackle, twitch, groan

Loud

Tiny

Somehow you heard

each one

Perhaps because he was yours

Married how long?

I still wonder

You pushed

neck strained

Weak

My body angled

just slightly 

Willing itself bigger

wider

to shelter

your eyes

From

greying hair

More so than yours

Age dotted skin

The hand we both longed to hold

Mine fierce

trying to hold your life in

always aware of the other

and the need for four hands

Then the pause

That suck of air

Different to yours

Just a little

harder

Just a little

Your eyes

stronger than your whisper

asked

It spoke to me

his breath

Not to you

Thank God

I need you to be still

He is doing fine

Your body softened

under my hands

Eyes closed                

Mind hushed

by your picture

drawn from my words

You do not remember

it all

I hope to God

I remember

His breath

Your eyes

Every one

of those minutes

Do I go there often?

Often

Why you?

There was one ventilator

you see

but

both of you

And

you were the younger

By one year

I am so sorry that

desperate to save you

there were no goodbyes

Three of us

harrowed

I am so sorry

that I lied

He is doing fine

NOTE:  Written in response to reports of a shortage of ventilators in the treatment of COVID-19, and images and news articles from the USA and Europe